


I'll Tell You All About It (How I'm In Love With You) When I See You Again

by wtf_is_frank_up_to



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed Dean Winchester, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Smut, Quote: Y yo a ti Cas | Me too (Supernatural), Requited Love, Spoilers for Episode: s15e18 Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtf_is_frank_up_to/pseuds/wtf_is_frank_up_to
Summary: Cas is back and gets his feelings required like he deserves.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 50





	I'll Tell You All About It (How I'm In Love With You) When I See You Again

**Author's Note:**

> Suck my dick CW. If you refuse to give your children what they deserve, we will.

They had him back. 

Holy shit, they had Cas back. 

Somehow, before it felt even worse than losing Sam for the first time; back then, shock covered every other emotion. He didn't really have time to grieve. Now, it was as if there was a massive boulder, laying down on all his insides, crushing them flat and making it hard to breath, eat, and generally go on with his life. 

Now, they had their dumbass angel back, and all that weight was gotten rid of. 

***

Over the course of the years, Dean kind of got used to the idea that neither Sam, nor Cas are ever really gone. He wouldn’t let that happen, and the others wouldn’t let that happen. His best friend and brother were the only consistent thing in this messed up life. Others were coming and going, roads splitting in every possible direction, but somehow their roads stayed tied together.

That was what he used as his bulletproof vest; that Cas couldn't be really gone. They were gonna fix it, the same way they always did. Through stubbornness, work, and some dumb luck.

He wasn't giving him up. He still had to give Cas an answer. 

Yeah, but what answer?

_ I cared about the whole world because of you.  _

That idiot. He was always like that- well, not  _ always.  _ That’d be a lie. But it always has been there, buried underneath all the angel duties and the Lord, and all that crap. 

Gentle, but so fucking stupid from all the love. 

Maybe that’s why he fit in with him and Sam so well. They did real stupid shit for each other, just because they cared. Hopefully it wasn’t contagious, because otherwise Jack was screwed. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about it, trying to find all the right words, just in case. What would he say if he was given a second chance? To be fair, he was awful with words. He’d probably stumble over himself. He’d look Cas in the eyes and forgot that he does, in fact, have a tongue he can use to speak.    
But it felt bittersweet to imagine. 

_ You were right. I always thought that all things that drive me forward are anger and hatred and my goddamn self destructive tendencies. But I also know that you’re not right about everything. I know what you think about yourself, man, I can see that. I remember when you’ve fallen. I told you that without your powers you’re basically a baby in a trench coat. I wasn’t right, and you’re not too, because I know that’s what you think. _

_ Shit, Cas, sometimes I think you’re filled with even more self hatred than I am. But for fuck’s sake, you rejected your entire nature, and left your family for humanity. If you’ll tell me again that I’m the most selfless, I’ll disagree, because the person with that title should be YOU. And you made me a better person, than I thought I can be - than I deserve to be.  _

_ And I love you, okay? You - you probably thought it’s unrequited. It’s not. And you probably think you don’t deserve it, because that’s just how you are. But - but you deserve all the best things. You earned it, man. And if me loving you can be the best I can give you, I will.  _

Of course he’d never say it out loud. Especially not with Sammy in the room. He didn’t even know if he’s gonna have a chance to. 

***

Having him right there, right after they got the empty to spit him out, was like seeing the world go back to normal again, times ten. 

He looked dazed and far away. Sleepy. Pupils wide, nearly cross-eyed, hair messed up. Pliant. 

"...is this still a dream?" he asked, looking up at both of their faces. Sam and Dean shook their heads. 

"Cas…" started Dean, staring at him like it was the first time he ever saw him. Keeping him by the rough cheeks with both hands. Trying to keep him awake for a bit more. 

"C'mon" said Sam, pulling him up to his feet. "Let's get you back home."

***

On the ride back, he sat with Cas in the back. Just in case. When the angel fell asleep again, Dean thought about all the times him and Sammy were sleeping in the back of the car, their father driving.

To some new place, filled with murder and monsters. In times like that, it was one of the few moments Dean actually felt completely calm. 

Road lamps throwing light on their faces in a rhythmic manner, the purring of Impala's engine, quiet music playing from old tapes, warmth of another person beside him. It was his lullaby. Both back then, and now. 

Sam was checking on them in the mirror from time to time, and couldn't help but smile. It was the calmest they've all been since… well, it's been a very long time. 

The thought that tomorrow they could stay home, with no new and scary responsibilities, was weird - but surely a welcome one. 

***

When Cas woke up again, this time he was fully conscious. 

He was out of the empty. 

_ Oh my son.  _

Where was he now?

Soft sheets. A smell of cologne, food, and the inside of Impala. 

He sat up, elbows digging into the mattress. Dean's bedroom. 

His trench coat, jacket, tie and trousers were hanging on the backrest of a chair, his shoes under it. 

Where was Dean? Was he sleeping somewhere else? Was he sleeping at all? 

Would he want to talk after everything Cas said?

He didn't even know how much time has passed since empty has swallowed him up. And if it was enough for Dean to process it all. Maybe he should wake him up, if he slept, and solve the issue. 

If he was about to get rejected, he wanted it to be as quick and graceful as possible. 

He started to itch to get up and walk. Somewhere, anywhere. To the kitchen and back. Just to not be here for a while. 

The coolness of floor tiles and the air in the bunker made him feel better. More awake, cleaner. It helped him rub the sleepy out of his eyes and embrace the real world. 

He might've been gone for a few weeks at most, but he still felt starved for everything he missed. 

Dean was in the kitchen, back leaning against the counter, glass of water in hand. He was dressed in pajamas, at the very least - he either got up from interrupted sleep, or was just going to bed. 

Cas stepped back, unsure of what to do. The ball, knitting itself tightly in his throat, grew a little. 

It was too late to back up unnoticed though; Dean already turned his gaze towards him. 

"Hey, Cas" he said, voice rough and low. 

"Hello, Dean."

"Good to see you up and about again. Though you chose a terrible time," he beamed a little, turning to the clock, "it's like 2am."

Cas liked seeing him like that - loose and relaxed, almost softer than normally. 

"What are you doing here, then?" He sounded like he was eating gravel instead of sleeping.

Dean shrugged, blinking slowly. Like a cat. 

"I kept waking up. Figured if I'll go there and back I'll want to get back to bed. Didn't work out. So here I am."

"Oh. Right."

He sat by the table, still facing Dean, who tensed a little bit, eyeing the floor. Not wanting to look at him, Cas figured. 

He almost flinched when Dean pushed himself off the counter and sat on the chair beside him. 

"Can we have this talk now?" He pleaded, averting his gaze from Cas' surprised eyes "I- it's gonna fucking eat me, otherwise."

"Is it about the confession I made?" He started fidgeting with his fingers, quite a fresh habit of his. 

"I'm- yeah."

"I understand if you don't reciprocate, you don't have to worry-"

"No!"

Dean almost jumped out of his chair, head quickly turning towards the corridor, as if to check if Sam was still sleeping. He pulled Cas out of his chair, so now they were both standing in the middle of the kitchen. And he was holding Cas' wrists in his hands - not in a trapping way. He could back off at any time. 

"You really don't understand, do you? I- You- ugh, shit, Cas. You need to stop jumping to conclusions." 

He let go of one of his wrists to close his hand into a fist in his hair. 

"There's so much things I wanted to tell you this whole fucking time but  _ I don't know how.  _ I mean - you're like one of few consistent things in my life and I love you for that and - just…"

He inhaled through his teeth, trying to stop tears prickling in his eyes. Cas didn't move this whole time, just looking. Staring in awe. 

"And I know you- you're kind of like me, you also think you're useless and, you're also wrong, Cas. You probably did more in life than- more you can think of."

"And! And I don't how the hell you decided that  _ I'm  _ the thing that makes you happy, but- but you too, Cas. It's. Vice versa. And I… and I you. I love you. Too."

It was the first time in a long time since he cried like that, Cas knew. Or at least, he didn't see him like that in a long while. 

Was this real?

He wanted to scream, so every demon, angel and human heard him. 

This man in front of him, the one he was keeping at arm's length the entire time, one he couldn't ever imagine being his… apparently, he loved him back. 

Him. Castiel. The imperfect angel of the ex-Lord, who fell for him in every way imaginable. 

_ Still beautiful.  _

"Do I have permission to kiss you?" he asked, wrist slipping out of Dean's hold to tangle their fingers together, and squeezing it lightly. 

Dean laughed, wiping away tears from his face, and nodded. 

Cas' hands were surprisingly soft against Dean's red, hot cheeks, covered in stubble he didn't have energy to shave earlier. 

Dean's hands were holding Cas close to him, desperately reaching for him, closer, closest. Angel's touch gentle and lovely and  _ so soft,  _ soothing all the aches he got in his long life. 

He wanted to keep him here as long as possible. For once, he wanted to let go of all the past, everything he and his father and whole fucking world told him, let go and forget of years of denying himself this one good thing. 

For Cas, it felt like a vow, made to someone who didn't need to be fed lies, who already knew about everything he was carrying on his back. 

A soft promise said straight into his mouth, instead of the way around through the ears. 

The message was clear - and identical on both sides. 

_ I love you. I want to keep you close. I've got you.  _

This was all they ever wanted. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me happy


End file.
